'Nae exit poll. Nae overnight count': How Scotland's daytime results day unfolded

“Nae exit poll. Nae overnight count. Nae shiny graphics. Nae party big wigs losing their seats at 4 o’clock in the morning in community centres. What’s the point of it all?” she asked.

Waking up on Friday morning, anyone would be forgiven for forgetting that there had even been an election. With the overnight count scrapped again, votes only began to be tallied at 9am, leaving an eerie silence while the country waited for the drama to begin.

Fyfe was right. What is an election without sleep-deprived madness turning voters into sobbing wrecks in front of the TV in the early hours as political hopefuls blink back the tears, rip up the rosettes and grudgingly shake the hand of the person they most want to punch in the face?

Even once the votes started rolling in, it was a little frustratingly uneventful at first. Scotland’s first MSP of the new parliament was elected at lunchtime as Liam McArthur held on to Orkney, dubbed the safest seat in Scotland, by a landslide. While Mr McArthur looked characteristically stoic as the results were read out, it was Labour candidate Mike McLeod who stole the show despite his meagre 199 votes, sporting a striking red knitted “Orkney Islands” hat as he stood on stage in Kirkwall, a bright point in a so-far-so-dull results day.

By early afternoon, however, the chaos had begun.

Only Scottish Liberal Democrat leader Alex Cole-Hamilton appeared to be enjoying his day, jumping ahead of himself to tell cheering supporters at his Edinburgh North Western count that he was confident he had held his seat with more than 50 per cent of the vote, while also declaring an early Lib Dem victory in Edinburgh Northern - hours before the result was declared - as a “monumental achievement”. He was right on both.

When Anas Sarwar arrived at the Glasgow count after just seven seats had been declared across Scotland - with 122 still to go - he was also all smiles as he embraced supporters, but his mood quickly changed as he delivered an extraordinary speech which effectively conceded defeat. Sarwar himself later lost out in the new Glasgow Cathcart and Pollock seat to the SNP’s Zen Ghani by 5,000 votes. He is in good company, however, with a number of well-kent Holyrood names failing on the constituency vote.

Former culture and foreign affairs secretary Angus Robertson managed to maintain a neutral expression to congratulate Lorna Slater when he lost his Edinburgh Central seat in one of the biggest moments of the day. He conceded defeat not only to the former Scottish Greens co-convenor, who bagged her party’s first seat in Holyrood, but also finished behind Scottish Labour’s James Dalgleish - all while standing next to a man dressed as a giant guga.

Meanwhile, former Scottish Tory leader Jackson Carlaw lost his Eastwood seat by less than 1,000 votes to the SNP’s Kirsten Oswald.

While the list will come to the rescue for many, any MSPs who find themselves suddenly without a parliament to sit in will be able to glean some words of wisdom from outgoing MSP and former First Minister Humza Yousaf, who seems to be trying to get his head around retirement from politics.

“First time I haven’t gone to an election count in 20 years”, wrote Mr Yousaf on social media early on Friday morning. “Do you just keep refreshing X all day?”

In Shetland, SNP newbie Hannah Mary Goodlad took a seat which has been held by the Lib Dems since devolution began in 1999 - and, including UK elections, the first time the liberals have not won since 1945.

Asked if, as reported by former SNP spin doctor Liz Lloyd, Ms Goodlad’s campaign had been successful due to many “cups of tea in town halls” around the islands, the new MSP was quick to dispel the myth.

“There were cups of tea, but there’s been cake as well, there’s also been fish and chips, I was fed well on this campaign,” she explained.

Her party continued its good run when Stephen Flynn, tipped as a potential future leader of the party, made a move to Holyrood from Westminster, where he is currently SNP leader in the House of Commons and MP for Aberdeen South.

Pumping his fist in the air as his victory was declared, Mr Flynn made an impassioned speech which appeared to be as much about his own future career ambitions as about the existing new parliament.

“Let it be known that soon, Scotland will be an independent nation,” he said, just stopping short of shouting “FREEEDOM!”. “And we will thrive.”

The BBC was plagued with problems with its live broadcasts throughout the day, but the best-timed glitch came when John Swinney was asked, after his victory in Perthshire North, about his pledge to push for another independence referendum if he received a mandate of 65 seats in Holyrood.

“If you do not receive 65 seats in the next parliament, will you put independence to the side for five years?” asked presenter Martin Geissler, who was hosting the BBC’s coverage.

There was no response.

“John Swinney? Can you hear me? “ Mr Geissler went on, as Mr Swinney’s face remained impassive.

“That’s disappointing,” he remarked to the studio. “That was quite a significant question.”

When he finally did manage to re-establish a connection with Mr Swinney, however, the response was little different.

“What I’ve got to do is to wait and study the results that come out from the election,” the former First Minister swerved, neutrally.

Geissler gave an intriguing insight into the future political life of the Swinney family when he recounted a recent podcast Mr Swinney had recorded during the election campaign, which was attended by his wife, Elizabeth Quigley - herself a BBC journalist - and their teenage son, Matthew.

“We took a break and Matthew’s head popped through the curtains and he said, ‘Dad, can I have a word?’, recalled Geissler. “He said [to Swinney]: ‘Keep your answers shorter.’”

“Matthew Swinney, who is sitting Nat 5 maths, it’s not the last of that name you’ve heard,” he said. “In the world of politics, he knows what he thinks.”

Another future First Minister Swinney? Watch this space.