Why fathers need a radical change in gender equality movement

Fathers are planning to protest with their babies outside the Department for Business and Trade in London on June 11 to try and force the UK government to improve leave for dads and non-birthing partners.

The strike, organised by campaign group the Dad Shift, is being hailed as a revolutionary moment in the UK’s gender equality movement. Organisers argue that women will continue to face maternity discrimination if low take-up of paternity and parental leave continues.

The challenge is that the economic argument is ahead of understanding what dads do. If a material realignment is going to take place, then there needs to be a massive tonal and societal change in how we view and understand fathers' contributions, and when they matter most.

Even anecdotally, a spectacular lag exists between fathers’ roles and the lark we share about new dads. Fathers strolling with their children are asked if it’s daddy daycare. Is mum ill? Is mum away? Social media is replete with japes and videos of incompetent fathers or dads feigning incompetence for a laugh.

Everyone is guilty of it, and it’s a cultural trope that has never disappeared. It is perpetrated in the same way as bridegrooms are met with the lament that “she” will never let him out again, so enjoy the last pint. The difference is that the same legion of new dads is asking for more paid time off, and the joke is beginning to fall measurably flat at the damage it is doing.

The other side is arguably worse: fathers who inflate their importance to be on par with a new mother in such a painfully saccharine way as to put wondrous sentiment before functionality.

The elephant in the room is the solution to the problem: Dads are a support act, and they are not on par with Mum, but getting the mother back to health, returning to the workforce and keeping her there is the most important thing we can do practically. As a result, the nice stuff, the time spent with the children, will come of its own accord. However, it will require a comprehensive policy examination of the role fathers play to combat the gender imbalance between mum and dad throughout a child’s life.

George Gabriel, from the Dad Shift, said low paternity leave pay meant many fathers could not afford to take any time off after the birth of their children. Research by the group shows that the average British father spends 57 per cent fewer waking hours with their child in the first year of life – 1,403 hours compared with 3,293 for the average mother.

Literature and arguments still frame this time as tragic because new dads do not get to spend time with their children. The disparity is an emotionally compelling argument, but weak in a time of austerity in all but name. Part of this problem stems from the fathers themselves. They have not found a narrative that suitably captures and conveys their contribution.

Most of the discussion points are emotionally intelligent but economically unproductive. Dad groups are trying to push a rock up a hill by demanding more statutory pay in a challenging economic climate while concentrating on bonding and participating in caregiving responsibilities. It sounds elective and pleasant, but not fundamentally important to support mum back to work.

Framing paternity leave as anything other than contributing towards the promotion of gender equality does more harm than good. It is esoteric. There might be outmoded gender stereotypes, but a better-framed argument is to focus on information that is harder to come by. How many mothers feel they cannot return full-time to the workforce? How many experience burnout? How many think that they have to overly rely on childcare or family because the father cannot be there?

Dad activist groups would be in a far stronger bargaining position if they shifted away from first principles and ideational thinking and focused on the lay of the land as it is today, from a mother’s perspective. If paternity leave was understood less as a dad’s right and more as a means to close gender pay gaps and disparities, it would do far more to positively impact employee well-being and retention and ultimately enhance workplace productivity.

Paternity leave was introduced in April 2003 by the Labour government. As innovative as that was, as precious as the time it granted between fathers and their children, society still seems to regard dads and their kids as nothing more than glorified daycares running a dangerous risk from incompetence.

If dads were understood as the critical link to ensuring mothers return to and stay in the workplace, the policy interest in the father debate would be more invigorated. Mothers are still expected to drop everything to tend to a sick child and collect kids from nursery and school. Paternity leave is just one small component in a child’s lifetime, and caregiving and work-life balance are bigger problems to solve.

Campaign groups are trying to do too much disjointedly. Challenging dated gender stereotypes and enabling men to assume caregiving responsibilities traditionally associated with women is critical, but putting emotional intelligence before practicality is tokenistic and a turnoff to effect economic change.

Paternity leave, likewise, should be reformed, but it is one part of the equation. The longer, more critical issue is addressing the gender imbalance prevalent through the early years and beyond for children.