I love the wonderful Edinburgh bakery Lannan, but I won't be getting in their queue again

I want to say it started a couple of years ago, but I can’t be entirely certain.

However, it is definitely sometime to do with social media. TikTok, mainly. Once an influencer has recommended a place, they all do. It’s like a pyramid scheme, or an avalanche.

The same places in the Capital pop-up repeatedly.

First of all, there’s the bakery Lannan, which is something of a phenomenon. This place is unprecedented in that its viral popularity is entirely justified. It’s brilliant and the owner, Darcie Maher, is a wunderkind.

I stood in that long early morning queue about a year ago, for a feature I was writing, and it was mainly populated by tourists from all over the world. They had Lannan on their list, alongside Edinburgh Castle and Mary King’s Close.

I passed it again yesterday, and the queue of mainly young folk is still as long as Roald Dahl’s crocodile.

It gives me mixed feelings. I’d really like to return for one of their lovely cakes, but I probably won’t. If you live in a city, and see a queue, you just think - manana, manana - I’ll go back when it’s quieter. Especially if you’re like me and can only handle a line of five people max.

Otherwise, standing still for long periods is my least favourite activity. My blood pressure goes a bit wonky, my legs ache and I get extremely tetchy. This is why I’ve gone off gigs, don’t like watching alfresco live sports and have so far dodged varicose veins.

My husband says I don’t stand still, but sway gently, and I do, like a birch in the wind.

It’s a young person’s game. I have less disposable time left to fritter away.

Also, after queuing that long, you couldn’t just order one thing. It’d have to be a dozen. Indeed, people do, and then post the unboxing on social media.

I also think this sort of concentrated popularity is a bit of a shame for other good food and drink places in the city, who are overlooked, even though they’re also brilliant.

I mean, if there’s a massive queue at Lannan, just pop round the corner to Twelve Triangles or The Pastry Section.

What motivates people to stand for so long to get a croissant? An hour on your feet, for a minute on the lips. I suppose twas ever thus.

The Victorians and earlier generations would go and tick off places, on their grand tours, and bring back treasures. Maybe it’s our hunter gatherer instincts that drive us. Or perhaps it’s the very modern phenomenon of FOMO. The power of branding. The need to be part of a tribe. The affirmation that you’re in the right place at the right time.

Whatever, if you don’t post it on Instagram, it didn’t happen.

Still, I wish they’d cast their net slightly wider. Perhaps enter a city and make their own discoveries, rather than following the herd and their well trodden routes.

Mind you, I’m talking as if I’m immune to the holiday pressure. In common with everyone else in the world, I’ve been one of the folk to wait in line at Lisbon’s birthplace of the custard tart, Pasteis de Belem - we gave up in the end, because it was taking too long and the line was so chaotic, and ended up in a nice family bakery instead.

We probably wouldn’t have been able to tell the difference. And we got a seat.

I’ve done the same, except for chocolate and churros, at Chocolateria San Gines in Madrid. We even got up very early in order to dodge the line and visit Caffe Florian in Venice.

Those places were all fine, but I wish we’d hadn’t been so predictable. We didn’t have an original thought and got suckered in by the usual internet recommendations.

You read the lists, and it feels like nothing else will substitute. But it will.

While Lannan’s popularity makes total sense, I’m confused by the queues at some other places in my fair city.

For example, the line at The Milkman on Cockburn Street is pretty extreme, as are the insufferable selfie takers there, inside and out. It’s a lovely cafe and in a prime spot, but there are no loos - coffee is a diuretic, don’t you know? - and it’s not any better than others nearby.

I mean, Santu, is just five minutes away on the Royal Mile, and there is never any wait there at all in my experience.

Just up the road from that cafe, there is often a lengthy line outside Makars Mash Bar, which appears on loads of Edinburgh recommendation lists. Perhaps it’s just popular because of its location, at the very top of The Mound, or maybe the haggis really is that excellent.

Singapore Coffee House in Canonmills also has regular lines outside. I understand that, as it’s a tiny wee place, and I do love their kaya toast and soft eggs.

And, of course we all adore Mary’s Milk Bar in the Grassmarket, though I haven’t tried their gelato for years, because of the endless and never depreciating queues. They’re currently doing a cardamon and fig jam version, which sounds like heaven, but I won’t get in line. Instead, I go to Joelato, in Stockbridge, where there is rarely a queue longer than five people.

I have my limits, when it comes to waiting.

I’m certainly not going to get vari veins for the sake of a croissant.

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