How banana skin led to golf club slip up and frantic search in bins
It had already been a mobile phone and now a set of keys had been lost through playing golf
I’ve hit rock bottom at my local club after finding myself raking through bins following a visit last week and it’s got me thinking that fellow golfers must have lots of great tales to share from playing the game.
As I was putting my various bits and pieces of personal items into a pocket in my golf bag before heading out for a hit, it dawned on me that my house keys were not among them and I felt certain I’d picked them up before leaving the house.
Anyway, I put it out of my mind while out on the golf course but, on returning home to discover that I had indeed left with them earlier, a swift journey back to the golf club was required as the realisation hit that I had, indeed, lost them.
The one comforting thought at that point was that I knew that hadn’t happened out on the golf course, unlike the couple of times that had been the case in recent years with my mobile phone and I’ll come to those mishaps.
So, I thought to myself, it was just a case of retracing my steps from the car park to the locker-room and, therefore, I felt confident the keys would be back in my possession in a jiffy.
Alas, they weren’t lying on the ground and also weren’t in either of my two lockers, which is a story in itself after deciding to get a second one for my trolley only to discover that it wouldn’t fit in it and, therefore, is still lying in the car boot.
It was time to ask around so checked with the secretary, the pro shop and the clubhouse to see if they’d been handed in only to be met with disappointment on each occasion.
Triple checks under the seats in the car upon arriving home again meant it was time to come clean with Mrs Dempster, who often jokes about how it’s become a bit like providing “care in the community” living with me and, in fairness, I can have no complaints about that.
Anyway, her instant reaction was only natural and it did, indeed, seem as though the services of a locksmith would be required at some point but we agreed - I think we did anyway - that it could probably wait 24 hours to see if the keys might still be handed in by someone.
Both an outside door and inside one were locked overnight but, as a precaution, I jammed a chair behind the handle of the inside one because, in such a situation, you definitely start to think negatively no matter where you might live.
I am happy to report that we should have had no such worries, but, on being informed by the golf club secretary the next morning that she’d checked around to see if they had turned up and had drawn a blank, it was beginning to look as though a call to a local locksmith would be required.
Before doing that, though, I decided to head along to the golf club to make a final check of my lockers and emptied them both, discovering in the process that I have pairs of golf shoes I’d totally forgotten about and various other items, too.
In checking the shoe bags, I came across four pairs of socks that had been discarded after rounds and, as a consequence, were badly in need of being tossed in the washing machine when I got back home, where it was starting to look likely that I’d be doing so without those house keys.
It was then that I had what people describe as a ‘lightbulb moment’ and I now know exactly what they mean by that. As I was driving along to the golf club the previous day, I had been eating a banana and remembered holding the skin in my hand as I arrived in the locker-room.
A search of the bin in there discovered that it had been emptied overnight, so I headed for the secretary’s office to explain what had come into my mind and, therefore, could I search where the binbags had been deposited.
Yes, that’s where this unfortunate episode had led to and, in fairness, the secretary not only led me to where some of those big commercial waste bins are stored but helped me find where the bags in question could be and, thankfully, we quickly discovered that they hadn’t yet been uplifted.
I spotted the wrapper from my sweet treat out on the course and then the banana skin and, right enough, lying beside it were the keys and, boy, was it a relief to see them. They’d obviously been in the same hand as the banana skin as I tossed it in the bin, having done so as I was in conversation with one of the guys I was heading out with.
Yes, of course, that was careless and I ended up being lucky, as was the case with those two mobile phone incidents, the first one during a game at Dumbarnie Links, where I ended up finding it in a netted pocket on the trolley I had that day, and the second back at Aberdour, where someone playing a few groups behind us spotted it lying on a fairway and picked it up.
On both occasions, I knew it had been lost because, and I really wish I could stop doing this, I check my phone fairly frequently when I’m playing and that, of course, probably explains why I don’t concentrate nearly as well as most others do.
As for those socks, they never made it home because the club secretary thought they’d come out of the bin when spotting them on the ground and duly tossed them in it and, having felt I had already hit a jackpot, I wasn’t about to go looking in there again.
Apologies if you were looking for a hard-hitting comment piece but sometimes it is nice to be reminded that golf can throw up something that can perhaps raise a smile and I am glad to report that Mrs Dempster is no longer giving me that look which, without even having to say a word, has dismay written all over it!
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