Scotland's not-so-serious football awards - including Scott McTominay, Dick Campbell and Cristiano Ronaldo

Best Post-Match Interview: Dick Campbell

​It’s Dick Campbell’s world, and we are all just living in it. The legendary manager added another promotion to his CV when taking East Fife into the third tier but was at the centre of a commotion after the first leg of the play-off final against Annan after being sent to the stand, not for the first time in his career.

Understandably, Dick was far from happy. He was shown two yellow cards in close succession by referee Ross Hardie, the second of which he claimed was as a result of him throwing “ma bunnet doon” in exasperation following a decision. It was something, he later clarified, that he often does when talking to his wife, so he couldn't see what the big deal was.

“They’re all watching me,” he said in an interview with East Fife TV. “It’s no’ The Dick Campbell Show!” Sorry, but we respectfully take issue with this. It is The Dick Campbell Show. And it’s coming soon to a League One ground near you.

The Fashionably Late Manager of the Year Award: David Martindale

Selecting a manager of the year weeks before the end of the season is the ultimate hostage to fortune scenario. It’s what happens for the PFA Scotland award and it’s what happens for the Scottish Footballl Writers' Association award, with the choice of candidate required to be submitted – certainly in the case of the latter – by near the beginning of May.

I plumped for Brendan Rodgers, a reasonably sound choice I maintain. Of course, the sheen has been taken off Celtic’s season somewhat after Saturday’s Scottish Cup final defeat by Aberdeen. But had the vote deadline been now? Well, Jimmy Thelin, the Pittodrie manager, would certainly be in with a shout. David Martindale, meanwhile, has certainly put the cat among the pigeons.

What a job he has done in getting Livingston promoted via a stunning comeback victory against Ross County in Dingwall. In addition, there’s the rout of Queen’s Park to win the SPFL Trust Trophy final to consider as well. Dundee, Motherwell and even Rangers are still looking for a manager… Although it does feel like Livi just seem to just fit for Martindale. And with Calvin Ford, Henry Ford’s great-great grandson, now at the helm of the club, who knows what might lie in store?

The Gwyneth Paltrow Sliding Doors Award

​Because, of course, this concept didn’t exist until the 1998 film starring said actress. But if they were to make a film about a seemingly inconsequential moment that turns out having a major impact on future outcomes, well, the storyline line would hinge on a goalmouth scramble at Easter Road rather than whether someone does or does not board a train at a London tube station.

Who knows what might have happened had Rocky Bushiri failed to get a shin to the ball in the sixth minute of added time to secure a crazy 3-3 draw for Hibs against Aberdeen (three goals were scored after the 90th minute). A Sack the Board banner can clearly be seen behind the goal in front of the Famous Five Stand where Bushiri bundled home, which helps convey the unrest at Easter Road at the time. Having just been hammered 4-1 by Dundee, manager David Gray was teetering on the precipice.

Many expected him to be sacked after Dens Park but the Hibs board – and maybe they deserve an award too – gave the club hero more time. And who is it leading Hibs into Europe next season after a third-place finish? Gray, of course. But would he have survived another loss in that Aberdeen game on a Tuesday night in November? They should make a film about it.

Runner-Up: Hearts defender Michael Steinwender’s red card shortly before half-time for a mistimed last-ditch tackle on Aberdeen's Topi Keskinen in the Scottish Cup semi-final. Neither side had been overly impressive by that point but what might have been the outcome if Hearts kept 11 men on the pitch? Neil Critchley, who was sacked seven days later, is among those who’d like to know.

Biggest Let-Down

A packed Hampden, a 1-0 first-leg advantage, a team seemingly redeemed and renewed following the Euro 2024 debacle and a manager walking tall again. Of course, we should have expected what was coming but it still felt somewhat dismaying to watch Greece, including a 17-year-old making his full debut, proceed to run rings around Scotland in this Nations League play-off second leg.

Admittedly, Konstantinos Karetsas was immense – the teenager would be in contention for a best individual performance award that I have seen with my own eyes this season. Scotland couldn’t have many complaints about being relegated to League B but it was frustrating nonetheless given the way Steve Clarke and his side managed to reconnect with the fans in the Autumn when performing well in a series of games against Poland, Croatia and Portugal. Speaking of which.

Best ‘Look At Me’ Hissy Fit: Ronaldo

​What an occasion it was set to be. One of the greatest-ever players strutting their stuff at Hampden for the first-ever time. Feel the star quality, see the pecs. Except he didn’t give anyone the chance to see those pecs. He had flounced off before he’d even had time to whip off his top.

While he showed flashes of his obvious genius, the then 39-year-old Cristiano Ronaldo left a bit of a sour taste in the mouth with his antics after the goalless draw. With Portugal denied the opportunity to take a late corner due to the referee blowing his final whistle, Ronaldo exited the scene in a huff as opposed to shaking the hands of the opponents and perhaps acknowledging the crowd, the way a football great might be expected to do.

Luka Modric bade a far classier farewell to Hampden a few weeks later, even though the Croatian midfielder was digesting the disappointment of a 1-0 defeat. To be fair to Ronaldo, there were some reports of him signing autographs out of the window of the car ferrying him from Hampden when it came to a stop at traffic lights.

The “Where did it all go wrong?” award: Scott McTominay

Jim Ratcliffe ought to be weeping into one of his Dyson hoover bags. What were Manchester United thinking? Scott McTominay could be drawing out the agony of a long, hopeless season at Old Trafford on a deathless close-season tour of Asia, which, the club's website states, is “presented by Snapdragon”. Instead, he’s on an open-topped bus in Naples wearing a blue bandana and puffing on a cigarette while slugging from a bottle of Tennent’s Super Lager.

He’s just been named the best player in Italy and pretty much won Serie A for his side by scoring a bicycle kick. McTominay's a walking – well, currently swaying – repudiation of the notion that the only way is down after leaving Manchester United, although he isn’t the only one disproving that now absurd contention. But what a season it has been for the one now known as “McFratm”.

The Football, Bloody Hell! Award

There’s been several contenders for this, including a few in the last few days. McTominay’s acrobatic goal to help clinch the Serie A title for Napoli against Cagliari is one. As recently as this Monday night, football's capacity to confound was underlined when I went out to play fives with Ross County having all but confirmed their place in the top flight, only to return to find Livingston had mugged them 4-2 on their own patch with about three goal-of-the-season contenders.

And then what about Saturday? One of the ultimate football, bloody hell! moments, surely. Celtic might not have been on song, but they were still grinding their way to another treble until keeper Kasper Schmeichel took his eye off the ball.

Heartened by this stroke of fortune, for them at least, Aberdeen held on until penalties. On the 60th birthday of Brian Irvine, the penalty hero the last time they won the Scottish Cup, they again prevailed in a shootout against Celtic. It was also Bob Dylan’s birthday and as the great man almost said: Don’t think twice, Scottish football’s all right.