Inside Hearts pubs after epic Rangers win as Tony Bloom and ex-players subject to Jambo jungle drums

He’s dancing on the tables! What, really? Bloom? No, not Bloom, it emerged, although the analytics genius was indeed present in the popular Hearts bar after the game in his maroon suit. So, who was dancing on the tables, then? According to the Jambo jungle drums, Gary Mackay was belting out some terrace hymns although this occurred inside a suite in Tynecastle, and he was in fact just standing on a chair.

Walter Kidd, meanwhile, was in the Tynie Arms with Bloom. Come again? As in the former Hearts skipper? Yes, drinking in a corner with Jim Hamilton. What? Man of many clubs Hammy? Last heard of working on the rigs? He might have played for 14 clubs (count ‘em) but Hammy, an Aberdonian, has pinned his colours to the mast. He is firmly on board the maroon battle bus with Bloom et al.

Little is making sense anymore, so a billionaire walking into a bar round the corner from Hearts’ ground shortly after the home side’s 2-1 win over Rangers on Monday evening felt entirely possible. Confirmation in the form of pictures arrived soon afterwards. Bloom has now watched Hearts in person six times. Five wins, one draw (against Celtic). What are the chances? He could probably tell you.

As for Kidd and Hamilton, they might have played in different Hearts teams (Kidd’s final appearance in 1994 was a couple of years before Hamilton’s debut) but why wouldn't they be out celebrating as the current Tynecastle side took a major step towards their greatest moment since 1960?

Colin Cameron, like Hamilton another hero of the 1998 Scottish Cup win, was in the away end for the recent win over Hibs. As well as being Hearts' record appearance holder, Mackay is a regular home and away. Fan, player, billionaire investor: Gorgie is uniting as one. Social and economic barriers have fallen away.

Hearts have their own living, breathing, crooning jukebox

There’s solidarity in the stands (unless you are a Rangers supporting interloper) as well as in the surrounding grog houses. "Touching me, touching you," as that dreadful Neil Diamond song has it. Fortunately, the Tynecastle Tannoy Man has no reason to play such guff as Sweet Caroline to rouse the crowd. They have a living, breathing, crooning jukebox of their own in the inspirational Colin Chisholm. With his unbuttoned maroon shirt flapping by his sides, the singer delivered another bravura performance of The Hearts Song pre-kick-off on Monday: “Some say the Celtic and Rangers are grand – ha!!” he scoffed, with extra emphasis on “ha”.

The dream is getting closer to becoming reality. “Mind your distance, give everyone space,” is a message painted on a paving slab near Tynecastle. Dating from Covid days, it seems an appropriate manifesto as Hearts continue to give themselves elbow room at the top. Derek McInnes' side are now odds-on favourites to lift the crown.

Hearts have secured a seven-point lead over Rangers with three games to go, meaning the race is between them and Celtic. They will be six points clear of the Parkhead side before Sunday’s Old Firm game, provided they beat Motherwell the previous evening and win outside of Edinburgh in the league for the first time since January. Yes, really. Such stats mean it’s even more absurd to contemplate the very real possibility that Hearts could be champions by next Wednesday evening, with a game to spare.

A draw at Livingston and defeats at Kilmarnock and St Mirren earlier this year are reminders that a last day shootout with Celtic could still be on the cards. There’s work to do.

Gorgie felt the centre of the sporting world

But those daring to venture that Hearts are almost there could be forgiven. The streets around the stadium were buzzing well into the night on Monday. Even though Manchester City were in the process of blowing things against Everton and 22-year-old Wu Yize was contesting a tense world snooker title deciding frame against Shaun Murphy, Gorgie felt like the centre of the sporting world.

As an interested onlooker with no skin in the game, it was difficult to avoid getting swept along with the post-game elation in the pub. Married couple David and Yvonne, season ticket holders, were fretting about finding a ticket for their son for next midweek’s potentially decisive final home game of the season against Falkirk.

“Maybe give him one of yours?” came one obvious suggestion. The looks they shot back underlined that this was not an option. They had suffered for longer than their offspring and deserved to be there for the Big Moment. Sorry, son.

Another worry was the logistics of maybe winning the title on a midweek night, following an 8pm kick off. There were complaints when the Rangers game was scheduled for 5.30pm on a Monday, albeit a bank holiday Monday. The atmosphere seemed to vindicate the decision. The sunshine also helped create a festive atmosphere in the streets around Tynecastle in the hours leading up to the game.

The earlier kick off meant there was still plenty of time to celebrate afterwards. But what happens next Wednesday? Are Edinburgh Council across it? Will they agree to an extension to normal midweek licensing hours? Will drinking be permitted in the streets of Gorgie if Hearts are confirmed as champions?

Kevin McGhee, mine host at Diggers, confirmed to The Scotsman that he will ask a lawyer to look into the possibility of longer drinking hours. They do have an 1am license already so that might be enough to cater for jubilant Hearts fans celebrating the end of 66 years of hurt.

McGhee is already savouring the fruits of this title charge (well, as much as a Hibs fan can). Monday saw the pub enjoy its best day of takings ever. “Up 652 per cent from the previous Monday!” he said. Having once lost the title by 0.042 of a goal, Hearts fans will be hoping calculators aren't required on the home straight.