Make your funeral wishes known: Why talking now will help later and how to have that difficult conversation

This is a theme with cultures around the world, who confront and accept death, breaking the stigma and enabling family members to talk positively and openly about their inevitable fate.

Here in Scotland, much like the wider UK, talking about death is typically steeped in discomfort, swerved and avoided until circumstances force it to the forefront.

Yet we would all benefit from side-lining the squeamishness. Having these important discussions early can profoundly ease the emotional and logistical burden on families at one of life’s most challenging moments.

Families are often overwhelmed during bereavement, balancing grief with the pressure to make important decisions quickly and it can be such a hard topic to initiate before death.

Making funeral wishes known

Grief is, of course, a life-altering experience and when we are faced with it, many questions and doubts come to mind in ensuring that we give our loved ones the best send off possible.

How we choose to commemorate the life of those closest to us is a monumental task that is often made increasingly difficult by lack of clarity.

At some point, we will all have a funeral, yet despite death being a natural part of life, many people find it difficult to envision and even harder to discuss.

Coming to terms with death is never easy. Both care staff and funeral directors see this daily and know the challenges that such a topic brings.

However, avoiding clear conversations with our loved ones about how they or we would like to be remembered can make the funeral planning process significantly more difficult.

Personal experience

Richard Annan, Head of Sales and Marketing at Cramond Residence shared his own experience, saying: “When my stepfather passed away, my stepbrother struggled with the funeral arrangements—there had been very little discussion about preferences, which made decisions, such as choosing the right music difficult.

“In contrast, my mother and I talked openly while she still had capacity, and her input made planning so much easier. I contacted William Purves Funeral Directors, and within an hour, everything was agreed upon.

“When the time came it was a comfort to know that there had been so much input from my mum and William Purves made things so easy leading up to and during the funeral. Pre-planning is something I would highly recommend."

Everyone will have their own approach to how they tackle such heavy conversations, but both Cramond Residence and William Purves agree that the following is the best way to approach funeral arrangements.

How to have that difficult conversation

Jamie Reece, Funeral Director at William Purves explains: “Firstly, it’s vital that the conversation about end-of-life planning is approached with sensitivity and care, choosing moments that feel natural and non-confrontational, such as a relaxed family gathering.

“A thoughtful starting point could involve open-ended questions about preferences, framing the discussion as an opportunity to create something unique rather than focusing on the inevitability of death.

“Highlighting the practical and emotional benefits of early planning can help ease tensions, as it allows families to focus on grieving and celebrating life rather than logistical decisions under stress.

“We encourage anyone interested to visit William Purves in one of our branches to begin that conversation - we can help you to create a free plan of wishes, or you can download a checklist from our website to initiate that all-important discussion with the family.”

Breaking the stigma around death

We must learn to take a leaf out of other cultures’ books and break the stigma of death, Richard and William say, so that we can make sure to have the proper conversations at the right time, ensuring ourselves and our loved ones get the final goodbye they deserve.

Funeral arrangements are made much easier when the conversations happen before they are needed, there is a pressing need to normalise the dialogue around end-of-life planning as it is a natural part of the cycle of life.

By doing so, families can focus on what truly matters, cherishing the memories and celebrating the life of their loved ones, without taking on the burden of extra stress.

To learn more about Cramond Residence, please visit the website here

To learn more about William Purves Funeral Directors, please visit the website here.