Tetris has turned 40 and I'm addicted again

To mark the 40th anniversary of Tetris, which was created in 1985 by Soviet software engineer, Alexey Pajitnov, I thought I’d download the game to my mobile.

Just to see. And, yes, it’s as horribly addictive as ever.

When I went to bed, I could see multi-coloured tetronimoes, for that is what those odd-shaped blocks are called, projected behind my eyelids.

There is a whole Wikipedia page dedicated to this, and the ‘Tetris effect’ in general. Apparently, initial use seems to raise cerebral glucose metabolic rates, as the brain adapts to the demands of the game. Basically, you can eat more snacks, because playing is a bit like a Peloton for your mushy grey walnut.

After prolonged use, your visuospatial processing can improve.

What you might need those newly acquired skills for, remains to be seen. Maybe a job will come up packing boxes in the Lego factory, and you can put Tetris master on your CV. I guess it might also help when it comes to parking your car in very tight spaces.

I need to be kept away from these things.

I have the potential to be a proper full-time gamer. It’s only an iron will that prevents me from exchanging my real life for a virtual one.

It’s tempting to end up with one of those horrible black net Starship Enterprise-esque swivel chairs and a head set, letting my muscles atrophy, and never leaving the house again. I’d only stop to eat cereal, and my avatar would become my picture of Dorian Gray.

However, I will try to stay away, because, at my age, there aren’t enough days to waste and I already splurge so much of my leisure time on the telly.

I know I have a predisposition. When I was a kid, and we got a Spectrum ZX, I got totally hooked on the tennis game, Matchpoint.

Then my dad gave me a coding book, and I’d spend hours typing digits in with its rubbery keys, to make a face flash up, or something else very low-fi and pointless happen.

All the other kids were playing in the garden.

I wanted a Gameboy - apparently the Tetris for this console was one of the best-selling games of all time, with 35 million sales - but never got one.

However, I did receive, and then was slightly disappointed by, my Tamagotchi.

It made me realise that I can’t cope with the responsibility of pets, children or houseplants.

That’s why I have none of those items, unless you count the grey cactus that’s currently fighting for its life on my windowsill.

In the Nineties, I had a PlayStation, and I’m embarrassed about how much time I spent on every single iteration of Tomb Raider. My other pals were out, sowing their wild oats, while I was in my room and making mine into porridge.

Me and Lara Croft were besties. I spent hours trying to get her out of caves, and through jungles, but I did feel that she was concurrently stealing my own adventures.

I was also a big fan of Silent Hill - the creepy horror video game that came out in 1999.

I’d wander around hospital corridors, fighting groaning zombies, then wonder why I couldn’t sleep at night.

And, as a student, we’d spend time at a pal's skanky Newington flat, all taking turns to play Mortal Kombat - basically, press all the buttons at the same time and as fast as you can - and Worms.

I never got into Grand Theft Auto. We don’t speak about the makers of that game, Rock Star North. Sour grapes, you see.

The Scotsman once had a custom-made headquarters on Edinburgh’s Holyrood Road. The steel and sandstone Barclay House had a canteen that served excellent baked potatoes, an atrium with trees in it, a car park, basement photography studio, a cake trolley that came round on Friday afternoons, and a view of Arthur’s Seat.

In 2014, the games company took over the building while we vacated, and made it look all cool with graffiti and a floating walkway.

The office transfer was, I suppose, a sign of the times. Video games killed the newspaper stars, to paraphrase The Buggles.

Anyway, these days, I mainly abstain from that ilk, unless I’m feeling anxious, and then I find games like Tetris soothing.

The reason for snubbing them is not only because I’m bitter about our old office, their sleep stealing abilities and all the prime youthful time I’ve already spent on them.

It’s also because the newest consoles are also £500 and up, which is way beyond my budget. And, I’m so behind the times. I mean, what even is Twitch?

Even if I owned one of these gadgets, I’m not sure what I’d play.

My niece tried to get me into Minecraft recently, and I had no clue what was going on. I was just walking in circles. It was so boring. She sighed a lot, as I tried to get to grips with the controllers. Maybe I needed more sugar, to get my brain fired up.

However, I also remembered another thing that I don’t like about these games. Three hours can feel like 30 minutes. Also, you’re constantly torn between frustration at the constant repetition, and a compulsion to keep playing.

Anyway, a couple more hours of Tetris tonight, and I’ll be done.

It’s the classic game’s anniversary, so I should be allowed a tiny celebration.