Why Christmas means so much to me
At a time of so much despair, Christmas gives us the chance to enjoy what really matters in life
David, Marilyn, John and Ross. Four people with one thing in common. They didn’t know each other but they did know me. Last Christmas they were here, now they are gone. Friends, colleagues and family members… all of them died this year.
As the years pass, Christmas starts to become complicated. For children, it’s unbridled joy and excitement. As adults, other factors come into play. Expense, family tensions, expectations, obligations and bereavement start to chip away at the sparkle.
For most people, the death of parents marks the turning of the page. We shuffle up the pecking order and become the ones poring over turkey cooking times instead of pouring another drink.
My mum’s little manger scene
That’s where Christmas traditions come in. We all have things handed down to us at this time of year, shimmering tinsel threads that run from those before, through us, to those that follow.
Going to church or not. When we open the presents. When we eat, what we eat and who we spend the day with all comes down to a complicated set of factors lost in the mists of time.
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So much has been and gone down the years but I still have a little manger scene that always sat on top of my mum’s TV. Twenty-five years after she died, I still find a space for it amongst the Christmas clutter. These are the reassuring things that help us through the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany Christmas.
It is the time of year when we are closest to the children we once were but it’s also when our own mortality feels nearer. Perhaps that’s why the ghost story is such a well established Christmas tradition.
A busy time for bereavement charities
As we sit down at the dinner table, it is the empty seats we notice most. The granny who claimed not to like turkey but always managed second helpings, the uncle who brazenly cheated at every board game, the cousin who was always the first to help with the washing up.
When we lose people, time seems to run away but at Christmas it comes to a shuddering halt. The traditional gatherings shine a spotlight on who and what is now missing. It’s no wonder charities like Cruse which offer support to grieving families are so busy at this time of year.
Loss around us is a reminder we too will have a last Christmas at some point but that makes the coming celebrations all the more compelling. In the words of the beautifully melancholic Christmas song, Joy, by Tracey Thorn, “it’s because of the dark, we see the beauty in the spark”.
At a time of so much darkness and despair, Christmas give us the chance to pause, turn on the twinkly lights, light the candles and enjoy what really matters.
Not the fake world of social media or events we can’t hope to influence but the simple pleasures of spending time with nearest and dearest. For a few days, the dizzying speed of modern life seems to slow to the point where we can actually enjoy it.
We have no idea what the New Year will bring for any of us but before that we have another Christmas with the people who matter most and who are still with us. When it comes, have a very Happy Christmas.
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