I'm moving house in Edinburgh in a week's time, and this is what I've learnt
This is a time of upheaval, but it’s nearly over
It’s only a week until my big move.
It feels as if I’ve been in the liminal zone, mentally hovering between residences, forever.
I can’t remember what life was like before I worked in a living room full of brown boxes and dusty rectangles on the wall, where pictures used to hang.
As we approach the Big Day, I am reflecting on what I’ve learnt so far.
1 As you get into the thick of packing, all those hair bobbles and clips, combs, nail files, tweezers, single socks, and other black items of clothing that you were always hunting for, will suddenly unearth themselves. It’s like a very successful archaeological dig at Pompeii. For a short period of time, you won’t be short of these elusive items, until you move, and they are allowed to burrow into the back of drawers and under sofa cushions again. Enjoy wearing matching socks while it lasts.
2 If you are planning on throwing a farewell going-away party in your old house, do so around the same time as you’re doing viewings. This is when your home looks its very best. It’s clean and pristine, with the clutter crammed into the corners of the dishwasher and car. As soon as the packing starts, you realise that it’s too late to have anyone round, as the descent into chaos has begun. You don’t want anyone to see your old home now. They’d only trip over a box.
3 Prepare for all the emotions. Yes, excitement at the move is one of them, but also frustration, anger, guilt, buyer’s remorse, seller’s remorse, and sadness. One’s little brain doesn’t like change, you see. It’s trying to talk you out of it. Still, try to remember that pressure makes diamonds - or, at the very least, cubic zirconium.
4 Expect your relationship to be tested. You will have to discuss the ultimate taboo - money - and someone is probably going to feel short-changed. There will also be rows over silly things, like whether mirrors should be packed on their side or flat. You will wish them seven years bad luck, then have to take it back. There might also be disagreements over what divisive items stay or go. Just chuck them in the bin while they’re not looking.
5 Ignore your current neighbourhood when it pulls at your frayed heart-strings by showing you how beautiful it can be. The trees will suddenly be in their green goddess finery, the blackbirds will churn out their greatest hits, and the locals will chat and smile. You will remember the time you spotted a kingfisher, beside the nearby canal, and it’ll bring a tear to your eye. Never mind, there will always be pigeons, wherever you go.
6 Do the maths, then tot it up all over again. Things really add up, especially when you find out how much removals cost, and solicitors’ fees, buildings insurance, mortgage fees, a new fridge and washing machine, not to mention Land and Buildings Transaction Tax. Let yourself have a little weep over the outlay, grind your teeth a bit, have two sleepless nights, then dry your tears and think, oh well, it’s just money.
7 Use things up, way before you ever think of moving house. If you have favourite perfumes, don’t work through two-thirds of the bottle and save the final sprays because you want to keep them for special occasions. Make your own cocktails, rather than buying the canned ones and forgetting that you have umpteen bottles of unopened gin in the cupboard. Wear the good clothes, or offload them. Play the records, or sell them. Life is not a competition based on how much dross you can accumulate.
8 Bubble wrap is king. You will use it up while packing the first three boxes, then forever be searching for more, but unwilling to pay for it, since you already forked out £150 for packing materials. Don’t worry, in the end, you will be chucking things into boxes and saying, well, if it breaks, it breaks.
9 You will discover more spiders than you ever thought existed in a single house. We found a whole parkour crew of them, using an old wine rack as an epic climbing frame.
10 It’s true what they say. The people who seem least interested in your house are often the ones who will buy it. I scoffed when others told me that, but that’s what happened to us, while the biggest fans, who waxed lyrical at the viewings, went stonily quiet. I still think about them all, from time to time.
11 You will find yourself editing your coat hangers, and think, how did I get here?
12 Expect to have an attack of existential angst, when your estate agent asks you if the house you're bidding on is going to be your last home. They’re not trying to make reference to your advanced age, but just attempting to find out if you’re buying it as an investment, or a forever residence, as that might affect how much you’re willing to pay and the area you choose.
13 When you’re viewing your potential future home, assume that you’re actually going to get it, and look at practical stuff like the storage that’s available and whether your favourite pieces of furniture will fit. Ask questions. Don’t just have a half-hearted sniff around, and say that you won’t get it anyway. You might be seventh time lucky, like we were.
14 It’s normal to think that something is going to go horribly wrong at the final hour and that someone will pull out, or you’ll find all the funds syphoned from your account by a phisher. However, what if there’s a small chance that it won’t, and that this time next week, you could be in your nice new home? It’s a definite possibility.
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