How I learned to be kind to myself and stop repeatedly doing chores
Jade accessed Wellbeing Works in Falkirk, funded by Falkirk Employability Training Unit, when she was struggling with her mental health. Here she describes how the service helped her
In the beginning when I first met Carl at Wellbeing Works, I had a very low self-esteem, majorly lacked confidence and struggled with self-worth. Talking about my feelings and problems was challenging for me because I was constantly judging myself negatively so I assumed the staff there would judge me too.
In my first session, Carl asked me what my daily routine looked like. When I told him, he asked why I repeated certain chores throughout the day, and I didn’t know the reason for this. Talking it through made me realise I wasn’t being as productive as I thought. I was distracting myself from my thoughts and feelings.
After a little trust building and getting to know each other, I soon began to feel comfortable and realised that being vulnerable and opening up was the key to making a positive change within myself.
The importance of self-awareness
Carl had a way of making me answer my own questions and hold myself accountable when certain situations would arise. He reminded me of how self-aware I am and that this is a powerful tool.
When I was asked me to write down some of my strengths, I could only manage the word “nice” which is how I’d always described myself. It was emotionally challenging trying to think of anything more.
At the time, I was frustrated, sad and angry with myself for repeating behaviours that I knew were damaging my self-worth and close relationships. I didn’t understand why I’d do certain things when it was the opposite outcome I was seeking to achieve.
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Due to an unpleasant childhood, I learned coping mechanisms that no longer served me as an adult. Our sessions helped me understand that my past isn’t scary to me, it's safe.
Years of self-blame and feeling ashamed made me self-sabotage and be extremely hard on myself. I was now at the beginning of unlearning unhealthy behaviours and defence mechanisms.
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Smart, strong, compassionate and more
Now I’m a long way from the person who could only describe herself as nice. I could read you all an endless list of all my attributes, I am smart, kind, strong, determined, compassionate, empathetic and quite a bit quirky and tenacious but most of all I am me and I am enough.
As my self-worth grew, I became able to make healthy choices and I started to face my fears. I have completed a nail course, joined a fitness class, booked a first family holiday abroad and become a volunteer befriender at the Food Train.
I have also just completed a Cosca counselling skills course, am due to apply for a Higher National Certificate next year and recently started a psychology course.
I am now able to show myself kindness and compassion – something I have never been able to achieve before. To be heard and having someone fully and actively listen to you seems simple, yet it’s so powerful. Sometimes all someone needs is just to talk in a safe, respected environment.
I couldn’t have done it without Carl and everyone else at Wellbeing Works. They gave me my power back.
Wellbeing Works is part of homelessness charity Cyrenians' services in Falkirk
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