The best hotel in Northumberland is just a two hour drive from Edinburgh

Don’t forget, though, about the 65-bedroom Matfen Hall, which is across the border, but still not far from our Central Belt.

It’s Northumberland’s only five-star hotel, and it recently won Best Countryside Hotel at the Conde Nast Johansens Awards for Excellence for UK, Europe and the Mediterranean.

If you visit, you needn’t leave your favourite Scottish hobby behind either. Across 300 acres of parkland, this destination offers a 27 hole Championship golf course and ten driving ranges.

As far as bang for your buck goes, it’s an impressive pile. We felt as if we’d really landed on our feet, as we crunched along the gravel drive, where there are stone stag statues in front of the listed Gothic-style mansion that was built as a seat for the Blackett Baronets in the 1830s.

The staff - expect plenty of Newcastle accents - are incredibly warm. It’s a bit like meeting long lost relatives.

We were taken up to our room, but not before we’d peeked into the great hall.

This space is ecclesiastical, with a fireplace that’s being constantly tended by their uniformed doorman.

There’s stained glass, medieval tapestries, a vaulted ceiling painted with golden stars, a grand piano, and chandeliers, but also Chesterfield sofas and board games. The room is full of excited chatter, from guests who carry helium birthday balloons, or are playing Connect 4.

Up in our boudoir, it’s contrastingly quiet and cosseting, with soft furnishings in duck egg blue, and a huge marble bathroom with roll-top bath. I especially love our double aspect windows and their padded seats. If this was the Victorian era, this would be my embroidery perch.

It was while unpacking that we made a decision. We’re near part of Hadrian’s Wall, but we’re not going anywhere. I wanted to soak up the hotel, like I was the sponge in a sticky toffee pudding.

First up was afternoon tea in The Drawing Room, with its white wicker chairs.

Along with glasses of Laurent Perrier and lapsang souchong, we had three tiers of goodies.

On the bottom deck were savouries, including a cockle-warming pork, chestnut and apricot sausage roll and brie and caramelised onion tartlet. The next floor featured a treacle scone but, even better, a Black Bomber cheese version. Whoever came up with that idea - probably head pastry chef, Laurens Le Gal - deserves applause.

Our tea’s penthouse level boasted all the pretty cakey things, which resembled a collection of millinery. My favourite was the wintery ‘hot chocolate’ gateaux, with a layer of caramel, cinnamon and whipped cream.

There was plenty more eating to come.

Matfen Hall has six dining areas, including the bistro-like Cloisters, where breakfast dishes include smoked Craster kipper. For the rest of the day, options here might include roast pollock with Jerusalem artichoke, mussels and chicken sauce, or a good steak.

However, we were booked in for the seven-course tasting menu at their smartest restaurant, Emerald, just a couple of hours after we’d troughed our scones.

As gastric athletes in training, we preceded dinner with a session at their Simulator Studio, which is over at their recently refurbished clubhouse, The Keepers, where you’ll also find a golf shop and a double level restaurant.

The virtual game is so addictive. An hour went past in the blink of an eye, as we practised our feeble swings. Neither of us got anywhere near the hole. It was like a game of pin the tail on the donkey, but so much fun.

We also had a session in their spa, The Retreat, with full body massages, a swim in their 15m pool and a broil in the steam room and sauna.

Our appetites hadn’t totally returned yet, but we headed down to Emerald at 7pm. It’s another lavishly dressed room, with an element of theatricality, thanks to faux peacocks on the mantelpiece.

Eddie Saint is the head chef here, and his previous roles have included a spell at Jesmond Dene House in Newcastle. The stand-out dishes at our dinner including the earthy venison loin with faggot and beetroot, and the contrastingly airy native lobster with spiced carrot and saffron.

Thankfully, hunger came with eating, and we enjoyed the pudding of ‘pear, juniper berry, Hepple gin, white chocolate’, which was a bit of clever trompe l’oiel trickery.

It resembled an ordinary pear, but, when tackled with a spoon, gave way into a mass of sweet frothy mousse.

Lovely, and we were equally ready to collapse.

It’s satisfyingly tiring to stay indoors and soak up the luxury of this five-star venue.

Who wants to see an old wall anyway?

Rooms at Matfen Hall (Matfen, Newcastle upon Tyne) start from £265 per night, including breakfast, call 01661 886 500 or see www.matfenhall.com