My Festival: Jazz Emu

How to describe the ineffable potency of my show? It combines salacious musical numbers played by a live band, visually entrancing videographical content, and profound Philosophical Musings from my Very Own Lips. Imagine being acoustically massaged by a beautiful monk in some ancient Norse woods, whilst simultaneously eating a violently creamy Tiramisu, and you are a third of the way to conceiving the sensory stimulation that is Knight Fever.

What will we learn from your show that we didn’t know before?

The real question here is what won’t you learn? It’s an experience so psychically stimulating that it bleeds into the spiritual. At the Bognor Regis Council’s Summer Garden Party last year, the audience reported my stage presence was so replete with cosmic wisdom that it cured the Mayor’s son’s lazy eye. Last year a student came to watch me and came out with a degree in Astrophysics. The fact that it was coincidentally also the day of her Finals exam results is neither here nor there, in theory.

Who or what was the biggest inspiration for your show?

Let’s just say my mirror must be getting a little self-conscious from how frequently it’s been stared at this year.

What’s the best review you’ve ever had, and the worst?

Well, here’s a beautiful quote from a conversation with a fan after a show I did the other night: “That was the most powerful performance this planet has ever seen.” And the fan agreed with me on that. For the latter half of the question - naturally there is none. But if you’re feeling nosy on Google, well, good luck getting past the superinjunction.

Who or what are you most excited about seeing this year?

I’m most excited about my daily walk past the bronze sculpture of the adorable dog Greyfriar’s Bobby. O, the earnest gape of his mouth! The proclivity of his metallic tail! That glistening nose, rubbed so vigorously, by so many gormless tourists! Last year I spent a good few hours a day encouraging them to rub other areas to even out the shine, until I was rudely reported to the local Community Support constabulary. There is honestly no educating some people.

Tell us something about you that would surprise people.

A lot of people find it shocking how humble I can be. For example, when I won my nephew’s parent-child race at his school sports day, I gloated at the losing children for - at most - seven to eight minutes, when the general sense on the poolside was that I could’ve probably gone on for at least another four. My humility often confounds people. They cry out, “But I am looking at Perfection itself… and yet it winks at me, with the wry smile of self-deprecation!” They don’t say it with their mouths, of course - because that would mean interrupting whatever amusing tidbit I’m providing - but their eyes are positively screaming it.

Thanks for the interview! We’d like to buy you a drink. Where are we going and what are we drinking?

You are most welcome. That depends what you’re into, but I’d suggest a tall glass of Ice Tea - Cold, Long and Island - at my favourite club: Boudoir de la Bechamel, in the ruby heart of Soho. If we’re lucky we might even catch my ex-lover and current therapist Venetia Sprinkles, taking a cabaret turn. She sings like a dying vole, of course, but her audience patter is delightfully hostile. We could make quite the night of it!

Jazz Emu: Knight Fever, Pleasance Courtyard, 9pm, until 25 August.