My Festival – Hal Cruttenden: 'I should probably thank my wife for leaving me'

Quite an aggressive first question! I don’t want to get cocky, but three ‘Live at the Apollo’ appearances (one as host), two ‘Royal Variety Performances’ and numerous ‘Have I Got News For You’ and ‘Mock the Week’ shows should let you know that I will make you laugh. Also, I’m into my fifties, so this might be your last chance to see me live… or even alive.

What will we learn from your show that we didn’t know before?

I’m a no-nonsense tough motherf****r who is ready to dish out some home truths about life, death, marriage and Trump. I’m also a secret fan of Beyonce, Christina Aguilera and Taylor Swift.

Who or what was the biggest inspiration for your show?

Apart from the artists mentioned above, it’s the second show about my divorce, so I should probably thank my wife for leaving me. My grown-up daughters are constant sources of comedy. I told one of them to go to therapy and she replied, ‘If I ever went to therapy, I’d buy a ticket for one of your shows, give it to the therapist and say, ‘Watch that. That’s half of it.’

What’s the best review you’ve ever had, and the worst?

I don’t usually read reviews… apart from The Scotsman ones obviously, they’re hugely important and the only ones that matter! My worst review was for a show in Cardiff about twenty years ago. A very drunk man came up afterwards and tried to headbutt me. In a way, it was a lot more thrilling and to the point than some bland three-star crit that just regurgitates your best jokes.

Who or what are you most excited about seeing this year?

I always watch Showstopper; the Improvised Musical. I am in awe of improvisers. Of course stand ups improvise, but we don’t go onstage without any sort of plan at all. These people are insane. I love them!

Who do you most like spending time with in Edinburgh?

I think I most like spending time with other comedians. It’s a pretty lonely career most of the time but the three and a half weeks of Edinburgh give us plenty of time to reconnect. By the time it’s over, we’re all more than ready to take a long break from each other again!

Tell us something about you that would surprise people.

Someone sent me my family tree recently and I’m basically from Sussex peasant stock. I know! I was expecting some sort of Royal connection.

What are the best and worst things that have happened to you at a festival?

The worst thing has to have been when I got only eight people in my audience in a show in 2003. I then had a great show, which felt like the best thing. Having said that, it’s not great to discover that eight is your ideal audience number.

What’s the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?

In the morning, I do a gentle yoga routine with some farting. At night, I just do the farting.

Hall Cruttenden: Can Dish It Out But Can't Take It, Pleasance Courtyard, until 24 August